Covid & Family Challenges

First, the Covid pandemic has brought my consulting business to its knees. That isn’t surprising and my business is one of thousands that have suffered. But it’s why I haven’t posted anything for quite some time. Fortunately, I haven’t experienced Covid myself but my wife and several other close family members have done so – but all have recovered.

Second, in addition I’ve been struggling with issues regarding my parents. I’ve been fortunate to have my parents live into their 90th year but we lost my father about 18 months ago. He had no disease and no health issues that would be fatal but he had problems with his balance and he fell several times. I’m the only one in the immediate family who’s larger than my father so after a fall he would go into rehab for a week or so and then he’d come home for in-home rehab. This means I would have to go back to my parent’s home in Arkansas to live with them for awhile to help my father’s recovery because I was able to lift him until he got strong enough. My sister and her husband are foreign missionaries, so they live overseas most of the time and weren’t able to help out initially.

I didn’t mind helping my parents but it meant I needed to juggle my business, my family, the upkeep of my own home, etc. Finally, my sister was able to return to the States to live with our parents and then her husband joined her about six weeks later. This allowed me to start catching up on all the things that had piled up in the previous months. We were able to celebrate Dad’s 90th birthday in June 2019 and then their 70th wedding anniversary, also in June. But Dad got tired of the constant need to rehab and he stopped trying. He knew what this would mean – we had that conversation – but he was tired and ready to go. He passed several months later, then there was the funeral and the need to refocus on our mother.

My sister and her husband weren’t going to be able to go back overseas due to Covid so they were able to live with Mom all of 2020. But mother’s memory meant she needed someone to handle her medicines and all of her business needs and she was no longer allowed to drive herself. If you haven’t performed this type of elder-care yourself you may not appreciate how overwhelming it can be. While my sister bore the brunt of this care – I had to go back periodically to take over for her so she could get away from it all. It’s just hard to have a real life when you’re living with your parent who depends on you for almost everything.

We finally made the decision to move Mom to an assisted-living facility in Roanoke, TX just four miles from my house in February of 2021. This means I’m now responsible for handling her business affairs, getting her groceries, scheduling her doctor appointments and many other things. But her day-to-day needs for medicine, meals, housekeeping and the like are covered by the staff where she has her apartment. My sister has scheduled the estate sale back in Arkansas to clear out Mom’s belongings and we hope to be able to sell Mom’s house by the end of this year.

Once all of this happens I hope to be able to get back to some degree of normal and see if I can bring my consulting business back to life. I hope the pandemic is largely over by then – that will help a bunch. And I hope my mother is with us for many more years – it’s truly a blessing for us to still have her. She’ll be 91 this October. So treasure your parents – but don’t hesitate to seek help with them as they age. Elder-care is serious business – but they’re worth it.